|
|
|
|
|
|
Best Week Ever
|
Thursday, 27 March 2008 |
"This is for kids shinin' shoes in the streets with no shoes on their feet everyday. This is for guys sweatin' blood in the shop while the bosses and cops look away. This is to even the score. This ain't just Newsies no more. This ain't just kids with some pies in the sky, this is do it or die, this is WAR! Once and for all, we'll be there to defend one another. Once and for all, every kid is a friend, every friend a brother. Five thousand fists in the sky, five thousands reasons to try. We're going over the wall. Better to die than to crawl. Either we stand or we fall, for once, once and for all!" -- George Clooney at the Leatherheads press conference |
|
Read more...
|
|
|
Thursday, 27 March 2008 |
|
While you were preparing your heart for the fact that Mr. Axl's opus "Chinese Democracy" won't come out, someone was having the Best Night Ever! You're gonna diiiiiieeee with Shea Hess as she rocks out the best Wednesday night TV moments from Top Chef, Wife Swap, Mythbusters, America's Next Top Model, and Moment of Truth! You can use all the "Paaaaatience" you want, but really, it'll never come out. Even if you Use Your Illusion. And if you think it will come out, You're Crazy. The chances are One In A Million. Ok, we'll stop. All these G n' R puns are really beating a Dead Horse. But It's So Easy. Done. For serious this time. Rocket Queen. |
|
Read more...
|
|
|
Wednesday, 26 March 2008 |
 I don't know if watching this "performance painter" Garibaldi guy (who is indeed bald) paint-dance to Kanye West's "Stronger" is hilarious, or awesome, or both. I guess I'd just call it Hilawesome.
See the clip after the jump!
|
|
Read more...
|
|
|
Wednesday, 26 March 2008 |
 A couple of months ago, Maxim Magazine, the expert misogynists who operate off of Silconey Island, produced a list of their Top 5 Unsexiest Women in the World. The list included some no-brainers -- Amy Winehouse's toothless trackmarks do not a sexy bitch make -- however at the top of their list is a woman who has long been regarded as a major style icon with a "hot in that... unique way" face, Sarah Jessica Parker. SJP told the press that she felt hurt about the "honor", and really, who wouldn't? Even though she worked our last nerve as Carrie Bradshaw on Sex and the City, we also buy her clothes at the poor man's H&M, Steve & Barry's, so let us be the first to say: There is no way in hell she is the Unsexiest Woman Alive!
So to make SJP feel better, rightfully so, we present to her (and you) 10 Women Unsexier Than Sarah Jessica Parker. We hope you like it.
10. Star Jones. Her breasts look like chocolate pancakes. In fact, for a long time we confused Star Jones with that woman who could make her eyes bug out of her head. (Click at your own risk.) Fat, thin, married to a gay, single, we dare you to find a person who finds Ms. Jones sexier than the kind-hearted Sarah Jess.
9. Sinead O'Connor. Sure, she had a certain eyebrowed appeal in her "Nothing Compares 2 U" music video. That sort of borderline car-bomby Northern Irish face... But have you seen her lately?
Mmmyikes. Nuff said.
After the cut: The Top 8 Women Unsexier Than Sarah Jessica Parker
8. Cindy McCain. Take a look at this possible first lady's face:
Some might find her pretty. I, on the otherhand, am hiding my firstborn in a locked safe until the election is over. Because, and you heard it here first, Cindy McCain (might) eat babies, specifically, your baby.
7. Jocelyn Wildenstein. For a woman raised in the wild by a ragtag group of homeless tigers, she looks fabulous! For a billionairess with a priceless art collection? Bring out your finest grapefruit spoons, I've got some eyes that need scooping.
6. Chyna Doll. I fear saying anything negative about Chyna, as she's one of the few women on Earth who could very easily beat me down to a pile of bloody pulp. So, keeping that in mind: Chyn, ya look fab! (shaking in cubicle.)
5. Lindsay Lohan. Lilo looks great for a 48-year-old mother of two who fell into the Who Framed Roger Rabbit acid bath. But for a young girl whose natural skin and hair pigments have gone the way of profitable movie roles for this actress... not so much.
4. Samantha Ronson. Even if Sarah Jessica shaved off her signature blonde locks and went on a 300-hour lezzie spree, foregoing food, home and showering for cocaine shakes and heroin dreams, she would still be 200 times sexier than Celebrity DJ and Lilo Chum Samantha Ronson. Which really isn't a compliment, as Sam-Ron is basically the most disgusting.
3. Priscilla Presley. When you're pumping auto-parts lubricant in your face, your bound to look not a day over reanimated corpse.
2. The Church Lady. I'll admit... her support hoes are kind of sexy. And she certainly knows how to dance. But talking about Satan all day? Decidedly unsexy.
1. Clay Aiken. Beautiful? Yes. But everyone knows Clay Aiken is the Unsexiest Woman Alive. He should seriously consider getting implants to up his stock.
(In an effort to beat everyone to the joke, let it be said that my own placement on this list is greatly implied. That should clear me, right?) |
|
Read more...
|
|
|
Wednesday, 26 March 2008 |
 Just because the Sopranos finale occurred twenty-eight years ago (I believe it aired the same week the first "National Lampoon's Vacation" movie came out) doesn't mean we should ever, ever stop parodying its memorable final scene. It was just, sooooooo ridiculous, am I right, people????
Take it away Writer's Guild president Patric Verrone, on the eve of David Chase's Lifetime Achievement Award:
"We had to give this award to David Chase following the remarkable run of 'The Sopranos.' Not doing so would be to deny him the closure that --," said WGA West president Patric Verrone, in an effort to spoof the quick-cut ending of last year's "Sopranos" finale seg.
Oh snap! David Chase was all like, I'm ending my show on an ambiguous, stylistic note, but WGA president was all like fine, I'll give you an award, but I'm stoppin' in mid sentence too!
For the record, I found the quote actually pretty amusing, though I think it's passed time to lock up Sopranos finale parodies in the same vault as Dramatic Chipmunk responses and "Brokeback Mountain" mashups. Who's in charge of making sure this happens? Alfred E. Newman?
Until next time, this has been, THIS WEEK IN SOPRANOS FINALE SPOOFING. |
|
Read more...
|
|
|
Wednesday, 26 March 2008 |
 Sexman, the beloved YouTube film critic who previously brought us enlightening interpretations of films such as the recent Rambo sequel, Jumper, and 10,000 BC is back with a new video, but this time, he's made a movie of his own! His first foray into filmmaking is called Mr. Lion Getting Pwned, and it bears all the marks of a true auteur. The film, along with my own thoughts on its significance, are available to you after the jump!
The opening sequence of Mr. Lion being savagely beaten by the Sexman in his bedroom is undoubtedly a Scorsese-esque expression of the filmmaker's rage, while the devastating shot of Mr. Lion being dropped in slow motion from the top ledge of the front stairs is eerily reminiscent of Eisenstein's seminal "Odessa Steps" sequence from The Battleship Potemkin, along with hints of Hitchcock's Vertigo. But what are we to make of Mr. Lion's plunge from an open window into the sun-drenched depths of the back patio below, or his subsequent swan dive into the driveway? Are these repeated images of death The Sexman's subtle comment on the long, painful journey of human existence? The only thing we do know for certain is The Sexman REALLY hates Mr. Lion.
|
|
Read more...
|
|
|
Wednesday, 26 March 2008 |
From HOLLYWOOD RAG -- New as in post-baby boobs. But none the less, he's enjoying her maternal physique. Read what she has to say on the matter, after the jump!
Christina Aguilera is a Booby Boxer
Christina Aguilera's post-pregnancy body is proving a hit with husband
Jordan Bratman.
The 'Dirrty' singer - who gave birth to son Max Liron in January - lost her
famously toned physique when she fell pregnant, but revealed Jordan loves
her enlarged breasts.
She said: "I haven't quite got back to my pre-baby weight yet, but I'm
loving my body right now. My husband loves my cleavage in particular!
"I've just got back into the gym and I'm doing some boxing and weights. I
want to be totally back in shape for when I start putting out my next
record."
Christina - who is the face of Stephen Webster's new jewelery collection -
also said she has no plans to put her unique sense of style on the
backburner now she is a mother.
She added to Britain's Grazia magazine: "No way! I still get dressed up and
I still wear lovely jewels. You don't want to be wearing great big diamond
necklaces with a little baby, but it's nice to get a bit dressed up.
"It's special but its more every day. It suits exactly how I feel right
now - every day I just wake up happy."
Jordan loves Xtina's cleavage so much the baby isn't getting his fair share. |
|
Read more...
|
|
|
Wednesday, 26 March 2008 |
 Researchers at the New England Historic Genealogical Society released their semi-annual list of "quirky distant cousin facts about presidential candidates," and I personally think they went a little overboard this time. I realize that when we get into "distant" cousins, anything can happen, but if you connect someone to Kevin Bacon in like nine movies, can you even consider that a connection? Check this out:
Barack Obama is a distant cousin of Brad Pitt, and Hillary Rodham Clinton is related to Pitt's girlfriend, Angelina Jolie.
Clinton, who is of French-Canadian descent on her mother's side, is also a distant cousin of singers Madonna, Celine Dion and Alanis Morissette.
[Obama's] distant cousins include President George W. Bush and his father, George H.W. Bush, Gerald Ford, Lyndon Johnson, Harry S. Truman and James Madison. Other Obama cousins include Vice President Dick Cheney, British Prime Minister Sir Winston Churchill and Civil War General Robert E. Lee.
Last week, the following conversation took place:
HEAD OF GENEALOGICAL SOCIETY: If we don't come up with some intriguing water cooler facts soon, people are gonna catch on that we've been blowing our funding on margarita pizza parties.
EMPLOYEE: Why don't we dig up some crap about the presidential candidates?
HEAD: Nah, that'd take too long. We got to get these facts out there quickly. Let's just make 'em up.
EMPLOYEE: Well, Hillary Clinton is of French-Canadian descent, does that help?
HEAD: Bingo! All right, take this down -- Hillary Clinton is very distant cousins with Celine Dion, Alanis Morissette, Sarah McLachlan, Neil Young, Rush, and the cast of SCTV.
EMPLOYEE: Wait, slow down...
HEAD: And Obama seems pretty presidential. He's related tooooo..... George Bush, Truman, um, Lyndon Johnson was all about racial equality, throw him in there. Kennedy? Nah, that's pushing it. Let's say Gerry Ford too. And what the hell, James Madison.
EMPLOYEE: Hang on, I'm trying to get it all down.
HEAD: And Robert E. Lee and Winston Churchill. [FINISHES MARGARITA]
EMPLOYEE: That's a lot of people, I mean -- we're gonna have to call them really, really distant cousins for people to believe it, right? And then it'll barely matter?
HEAD: Just for that, write down that Clinton is related to Angelina Jolie and Obama to Brad Pitt.
EMPLOYEE: I'm not sure people are gonna buy that...
HEAD: Also McCain to Hitler. Is that too far? Ahh... whatever. Pol Pot? Yeah, go with Pol Pot instead.
EMPLOYEE: Um, yessir.
HEAD: Also, Huckabee is related to Charlemagne, the second Darren from "Bewitched," and Lucy the hominid skeleton.
EMPLOYEE [PRETENDING TO WRITE IT DOWN]: You got it... |
|
Read more...
|
|
|
Wednesday, 26 March 2008 |
The moment Prince Charles turned to French President Nicolas Sarkozy to small talk on the Heathrow runway, Camilla P-Bowlz got up in the grill of new French First Lady, model Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, to warn her: "I may be older than you, I may be less attractive, I may use my husband as a human tampon... but I am the Duchess of F**king Cornwall, you got it? You see this hat?! I killed that leopard in a staring contest. Don't push me, Bruni."
PS: Funniest optical illusion ever? |
|
Read more...
|
|
|
Wednesday, 26 March 2008 |
|
From MOLLYGOOD -- American Idol songstress, Kristy Lee really fed into the patriotic population last night. Didn't catch it? Check out the video, after the jump!
Proud To Be An American Idol
Kristy Lee Cook isn’t going to be voted off American Idol any time soon, and we’ll tell you why: Because last night she chose to sing “God Bless the USA.” Genius! Now viewers have to vote for her, because a vote for Kristy Lee is a vote for freedom. And if you don’t like her, then you obviously hate America and you’re letting the terrorists win. |
|
Read more...
|
|
| << Start < Prev 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 Next > End >>
| | Results 711 - 720 of 1297 |
|
| |
|
|
|
