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Best Week Ever
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Wednesday, 19 March 2008 |
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While you were listening to your favorite Michael Jackson song "Black or White" Max Sylvestri had his Best Night Ever! Moonwalk to the best moments from Tuesday night television including Big Brother 9, Dancing with the Stars, American Idol and Beauty and the Geek! So remember it doesn't matter if your black or white, unless of course it's the presidential race. Then apparently it merrits a public speech. But what can one do? Just beat it! |
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Tuesday, 18 March 2008 |
Last night, something unprecedented occurred: I sat down and actually watched The Bachelor: London Calling. The Bachelor is sort of like Rock of Love meets The Emperor's Club V.I.P.: A handful of prosties vie for true love with a truly otherworldly bachelor, but unlike the ladies longing for Bret Michaels... deez broads eh klehssy! No, really, one of them speaks French... I told you!
In the past, I had never so much as sat through an entire episode of The Bachelor... mostly because I found both Batch and Batchee intolerably annoying. Seriously, give me a How It's Made marathon on The Discovery Channel any day of the week over these reality show prosties/aspiring actresses (same diff) whoring themselves out on Primetime television.
And yet, something drew me into last night's episode... specifically the fact that said Bachelor is Matt Grant, a 6'5" Internationally Banking Cambridge grad in an expensive suit who clearly has no idea just how trashy this show really is. Or maybe he does know how trashy it is, and figures he might as well become famous in America while simultaneously banging some desperate rexic broads, while remaining all the while a no-name in his native country. Either way, I had respect for the guy. Plus, he seemed to actually be funny in that special British way, which gave me a strange all-over sensation. (You're welcome.)
Let it be known that I've universally hated every other Bachelor contestant since the beginning (yes, even the adorable fireman guy, and especially Bob Guiney). But somehow, smarm translates better when communicated with a British accent... and not just any accent, but the Queen's English. Plus, it seemed like he had a great sense of humor (or hyoomuh). This was a fake Bachelor I'd really like to get to know!
And the Bachelorettes? Welllllll I'll give them credit: The lot of them have certainly not had a meal in roughly 4 years. There was one girl named Stacey, in a blue sequined gown, who just SCREAMED ABC plant -- her antics were so outrageous as to be paidactressy. Needless to say, she didn't make it to the Top 15.
The girls who did make it kind of reminded me of Kim Cattrall in Mannequin... when the store was open. When the store was open. (See? She was still a wooden Mannequin then.) The lot of them were pretty enough, spanning the look of Intervention Meth Rejectee to Future Porn Star, but for the most part, the recruitees on Bravo's Millionaire Matchmaker have worlds more to offer.
These were really the best women ABC could get for Matt Grant? They couldn't find a successful Harvard Grad? Or a Russian Supermodel dying to play submissive hired bride? Or a pop culture blogger who enjoys spending days holed up in front of her computer and enjoys a quiet night taking outdoor Pinot Grigio baths in Central Park?
I'm just saying. |
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Tuesday, 18 March 2008 |
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I can't tell which of these storylines was the most crude -- Eliot Spitzer's prostitution scandal, Ray Jay's appearance on "Tyra" to discuss his year-old sex tape, or Lennon/McCartney Week on "American Idol." The panelists seem to be leaning towards the latter...
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Tuesday, 18 March 2008 |
Unlimited kudos to the Pegcasso Courtroom Artist working the Heather Mills - Paul McCartney Divorce Proceedings: You've outdone yourself. Yesterday, Ms. Mills became so enraged at Paul's divorce lawyer, Fiona "I've Got The Most English Name Imahhhginable" Shackleton, that Mills picked up a jug of water and poured the contents over Shackleton's painfully 80s feather-do. It is one of those instances in life when you just wish someone would have had a camera. Then you discover that something better exists: A Courtroom drawing of said scenario. Let's take a look:
First off, the artistry is not to be left unmentioned: It almost really looks like she's got two working legs there. But what makes the drawing isn't so much the insanity of a woman who has just won a $50 million snottery ticket dumping water over an attorney's head, but rather the expression on Paul McCartney's face:
PITCH PERF. While everyone else looks shocked or embarassed, Paul remains stoic and as McCartney-esque as ever. Lips pursed, eyebrows slightly cocked... we have a theory this is about as shocked as McCartney can muster. Check out his reactions to some other acts of sickening behavior:
So congrats, anonymous Courtroom artist: You are at the top of your game right now. Well done, you. Well done. |
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Tuesday, 18 March 2008 |
It took me a while to make sense out of this:
Nothing against McCain, but isn't the point of a "Can You Beat THIS GUY" contest for THIS GUY to be a notorious expert in that particular field? I know McCain's a sports fan, but it just seems a little random, along the lines of "Put Your Oscar Picks Up Against Mario Batali" or "Can You Beat Award-Winning Documentarian Luc Jacquet at Monopoly??"
Also, even if you're a McCain supporter, why would you want a "McCain" hat or bumper sticker as a prize for winning a March Madness pool? Shouldn't the campaign be giving those out for free? It'd be like winning the CBS/Facebook NCAA pool and receiving a poster that says "Become a fan of COLD CASE on Facebook today! Over a couple members strong!"
As much as I'd love to test my basketball knowledge against the GOP's presidential nominee, I didn't feel like signing up to get more information -- I did that for a post a couple weeks ago and now receive daily emails from theladders.com.
(via Withleather) |
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Tuesday, 18 March 2008 |
We sometimes wonder aloud: Does Henry the VIII's corpse have any idea how en vogue he is right now? Just recently, Eric Bana portrayed him in The Other Boleyn Girl, and now, steely-eyed actor Jonathan Rhys-Myers is set to portray the King in the upcoming second season of Showtime's The Tudors, beginning March 30. We think Henry the VIII would be pleased with his modern day portrayals, as a quick Google Image search proved the King resembled more of a beefy John Goodman circa Roseanne than the lean sex appeal listed above.
We especially like the promo shot for the show, which has one wondering: Is he gonna strangle her? Or take her from behind and then strangle her? Or did he already behead her and is just having a laugh with his mates? Oh the possies.
For those historical Tudor fans out there (read: fans of hot, steamy, bodice ripping, pay cable sex), we are pleased to present the first episode of Season 2 of The Tudors for your perusing pleasure.
Season premiere after the jump!
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Tuesday, 18 March 2008 |
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From CELE|BITCHY -- Hygiene-extrodinaire Matthew McConaughey seems to enjoy ladies much like himself. As in, ones that don't shower oh-so-often. Check out this tale on Camila's cleansing schedule, after the jump!
Matthew McConaughey says girlfriend Camila can also go without a shower for a week

Matthew McConaughey’s gorgeous pregnant girlfriend, Camila Alves, seems to share his lackadaisical approach to personal hygiene. McConaughey is known for going au natural and has not worn deodorant in 20 years. He told Playboy magazine that he refused to put on a rock crystal deodorant that his costar Kate Hudson tried to get him to wear while they were filming Fool’s Gold.
Now In Touch is reporting that part of the reason that Matthew loves his pregnant girlfriend, Bralizian model Camila, is because she can also go without a shower for a week. Lest you think they’re making that up, it’s an actual quote from one of Camila’s business associates on her new handmade leather purse line:
“He said he finally met a girl who can go without a shower for a week - someone he can go mountain climbing and hiking with,” Pamela DePalma, president of DePalma Enterprises, which represents Camila’s new venture MUXO handbags tells In Touch. “Camila is incredibly easygoing.”
[From In Touch, print edition, March 24, 2008]
Camila’s business associate also says that it was McConaughey who first noticed Camila and asked her to have a drink with him.
“He chose her, she didn’t chose him,” she adds. “She was at a restaurant in LA and he walked up to her. He introduced himself, and said he would love to have her come join him for his favorite drink - a margarita - and they had a great friendship to star.”
And In Touch also talked to Camila’s manager, who hinted that a surprise marriage might be in the cards for the stinky sweethearts:
But with the baby due in July, the couple have no been talking about tying the knot. Camila’s manager, Shabi Shahryar, tells In Touch: “You never know. I mean, the pregnancy was a surprise, so why not a surprise marriage?”
McConaughey is excited to be a father and is serving as Camila’s Lamaze coach. He says he’s going to be a hands-on dad and will change diapers. It sounds like their child won’t be forced to take a bath as often as the average kid, and he or she will probably be grateful for that. I know that my son hates getting his hair washed and will do just about anything to avoid it.
You can see Camila’s new handbag line, Muxo, at MyMuxo.com. They’re all hand crafted by Camila and her mother and take from 5 to 8 hours each to complete. Pricing starts at $450 for a clutch. Camila is carrying the “crock” bag in the header image, but it’s made of leather, not crocodile. [No one paid or encouraged us to write that]
Camila Alves is shown outside a spa appointment on March 1, thanks to Splash News.
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Tuesday, 18 March 2008 |
Bindi Irwin at the release of her new children's book, "Things That Are A Good Idea To Do Always"
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Tuesday, 18 March 2008 |
From people freaking out about being told Whoppers are no longer available to this latest spot, in which a man's tongue is literally erect with horniness to scarf down some cheesy tots, Burger King's opinion of their processed food product is amazingly confident. But while this ad makes about as much sense as eating cheese-filled fried potatoes for breakfast, it's worth a few laughs, especially if you're the kind of stoner who isn't very discriminating about what you shove into your mouth as you watch funny fast food commercials...
See their "Morning Tongue" ad after the jump!
(via AdRants) |
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Friday, 14 March 2008 |
When this week began, we were secure in our knowledge that David Archuleta would shoot to stardom, Britney would never rely on a cartoon to make her thin, and the Governor of New York was an upstanding, non-prostitute-visiting public servant. Find out how it all went south on an all new episode of BWE tonight at 9 and 11! Meanwhile, this week on the Information Cul-de-sac:
 - Michelle attends the prestigious Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony and quickly learns that Rock isn't just about unconfortably awkward induction speeches -- it also involves giving free gifts to Chevy Chase.
- Meanwhile, at a less Suit-controlled celebration, Alex out-indies the entire indie field at the Plug Awards.
- But when it comes to having a true working knowledge of music and culture and general, look no further than me in Ninth Grade.
- Popular Music Historian / D*ck Drawer Perez Hilton takes a shot at those pathetic, washed-up retreads, Radiohead and Nine Inch Nails.
- Can we all agree to stop raping the Beatles catalogue? Please? "Idol," you want to start by setting an example?
- In non-music news, a Slutty Firetruck, a Singing Orphan, Max Headroom, and Payin' 4 Vag all pop in for cameos in this week's wave of Celebrity Math.
- Alex rips open the Glad Bag of deception that is the "Top Chef" hairstyle scandal with a list of the Top 10 Faux-Hawks In "Top Chef" History.
- Learn how to turn your forgettable celebrity-packed CGI movie into a comedy masterpiece with just five easy casting changes!
- And finally, who says Myspace is a wasteland these days? MISS KNOCKOUT don't think so LOL.
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