Last night, something unprecedented occurred: I sat down and actually watched The Bachelor: London Calling. The Bachelor is sort of like Rock of Love meets The Emperor's Club V.I.P.: A handful of prosties vie for true love with a truly otherworldly bachelor, but unlike the ladies longing for Bret Michaels... deez broads eh klehssy! No, really, one of them speaks French... I told you! In the past, I had never so much as sat through an entire episode of The Bachelor... mostly because I found both Batch and Batchee intolerably annoying. Seriously, give me a How It's Made marathon on The Discovery Channel any day of the week over these reality show prosties/aspiring actresses (same diff) whoring themselves out on Primetime television. And yet, something drew me into last night's episode... specifically the fact that said Bachelor is Matt Grant, a 6'5" Internationally Banking Cambridge grad in an expensive suit who clearly has no idea just how trashy this show really is. Or maybe he does know how trashy it is, and figures he might as well become famous in America while simultaneously banging some desperate rexic broads, while remaining all the while a no-name in his native country. Either way, I had respect for the guy. Plus, he seemed to actually be funny in that special British way, which gave me a strange all-over sensation. (You're welcome.) Let it be known that I've universally hated every other Bachelor contestant since the beginning (yes, even the adorable fireman guy, and especially Bob Guiney). But somehow, smarm translates better when communicated with a British accent... and not just any accent, but the Queen's English. Plus, it seemed like he had a great sense of humor (or hyoomuh). This was a fake Bachelor I'd really like to get to know! And the Bachelorettes? Welllllll I'll give them credit: The lot of them have certainly not had a meal in roughly 4 years. There was one girl named Stacey, in a blue sequined gown, who just SCREAMED ABC plant -- her antics were so outrageous as to be paidactressy. Needless to say, she didn't make it to the Top 15. The girls who did make it kind of reminded me of Kim Cattrall in Mannequin... when the store was open. When the store was open. (See? She was still a wooden Mannequin then.) The lot of them were pretty enough, spanning the look of Intervention Meth Rejectee to Future Porn Star, but for the most part, the recruitees on Bravo's Millionaire Matchmaker have worlds more to offer. These were really the best women ABC could get for Matt Grant? They couldn't find a successful Harvard Grad? Or a Russian Supermodel dying to play submissive hired bride? Or a pop culture blogger who enjoys spending days holed up in front of her computer and enjoys a quiet night taking outdoor Pinot Grigio baths in Central Park?

Read more at: http://www.bestweekever.tv/2008/03/18/if-loving-the-bachelor-is-wrong-im-pretty-sure-im-wrong/.