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You Guys, I Think Pixar Is Being Run By Sh*tty Landlords

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You Guys, I Think Pixar Is Being Run By Sh*tty Landlords

Friday, 11 July 2008

In the weeks after Ratatouille came out last year, I recall my younger cousin exclaiming that she wanted to get a pet rat and her father making the obligatory adulty joke, "Maybe he'll cook for you!"

Then this week, another friend of mine joked to me that after seeing WALL-E, she feels a little bit of guilt every time her cat brings home a half-eaten cockroach. WALL-E and roach

Last night at 3 a.m. during a tipsy, falling-asleep shower, it hit me: Pixar is being run by a group of deadbeat landlords. Rather than paying to get rid of the rats and cockroaches in their respective apartments, these landlords have enlisted Pixar to systematically make every animal pest appear cute and lovable, thus making their sensitive tenants feel guilty for wanting to put poison out for a bunch of aspiring Remys. After the jump, I examine the theory (fact?) in more detail, looking at Pixar's upcoming releases: 2009: Bedtime, the story of Buddy the bedbug trying to rescue his family after the bed they've infested for generations is finally in danger of being thrown out. 2010: Silverman, The story of Morty Silverman, a silverfish in danger of being evicted from his quaint accounting agency inside a couch by a ruthless insecticide corporation. 2011: Broken Fridge, the tale of a noble refrigerator who explains cures for all known diseases by speaking through a giant crack in his front but is in danger of having the crack sealed and thus being silenced forever. 2012: Giant Rent Increase, the story of Fuzzy, an adorable wallet constantly being crushed by a bunch of dollar bills inside him who longs to have his owner's rent increased by an unfair amount so he can be free. (Surely I'm not the first person to think of this, right? I Googled around but couldn't find anything, which can only mean that these landlords have their 3-D animated watchdogs all over the 'net. I'll be careful.)

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