When Ryan Seacrest was asked if it was Paula Abdul’s fault some fan killed herself outside of Paula’s house, his reaction was really heart felt, you know like he’s really let the death of one of the American Idol contestants affect him. He says something along the lines of Paula being a sweetheart and it being an isolated incident, something we already knew, because Paula doesn’t have any more fans, all the other ones she had have offed themselves a long time ago, or moved onto more relevant stars, putting their Paula Abdul cutouts album on a shelf next to their action-figure collection, but either way, it looks like he’s more interested in running inside to look at himself in the mirror and that makes him a self-absorbed asshole, and since I jerk off to everything Ryan Seacrest. I figured I’d post this.

I had no idea the Victoria’s Secret fashion show was happening this weekend, I don’t really keep on top of anything, but I noticed that on Thursday and Friday a lot of pictures of the models together were surfacing, so it only made sense that when they got them all in one room together, Victoria’s Secret milked them for everything they could since they pretty much own these bitches.

Sure, they have good bodies, but after an hour of lookin at these pictures, I got fucking bored. Maybe I am gay, maybe all this is repetitive, maybe I only find Adriana Lima hot, maybe I need to see pussy to really appreciate lingerie pictures, you know use them as a little masturbation foreplay before working up to these girls spread open with dick in their mouths, but I guess these are better than nothing…..

The truth is I find Klum washed up, Marisa Miller looks like a college party girl on her 35th birthday, Miranda Kerr’s got a face of an Owl, Ambrosio’s a mom, Naomi Campbell a monster and the rest of the immigrants found in various third world countries aren’t really known to me so I can’t really formulate an opinion.

I am down with the Rihanna dominatrix style in some of the pictures, you know the metal corsets and straps and boots, but I really don’t think this shit is anything worth getting excited about.

Just so you, I don’t get into these pictures because my wife is hotter than these bitches and I share a bed with her every night, but I’m not braggin’ because she’s only hotter than they are because she’s pumps out more head than a portable heater. I thank obesity for that shit…..here are some of the pics your virginity has probably already seen, saved and printed because they are everywhere, including MSN.com, so I’m just the slowest site out there, and I am okay with that….maybe if I had a job or responsibilities I’d care a little more….but that’s never going to happen, so you’ll have to be satisfied with the day old bargain bin I buy my baked goods out of….but the internet version….if you know what I mean…..

Bikini models pretty much have the hottest bodies out there and when Victoria’s Secret that they are the leaders of the eastern European and South American Sex Trade get down to it, they manage to pay the best bodies out there to get into their bikinis and give you something to look at that you’ll never be able to afford….

I really wish I knew Victoria’s other secret and that is how to manipulate girls to get half naked. I assume that it involves money and threats on the lives of their family members, because no matter what sweet talking I do, the only bitches I have managed to get to take off their clothes have always been overweight with saggy tits, acne or red scabby shit that looks like acne all over their body, stretch marked and unshowered. The kind of girl that no one would ever really want to see even if they were fully clothed, you know the kind of girl you cross the street to avoid brushing up against, and the only time that ever really works for me is if a lot of alcohol is involved and instead of laughing at the experience, I tend to marry them, so I clearly have some work to do to get to this quality level, but I guess you gotta start somewhere, and the little mistakes you make along the way, even if they weigh 300 pounds, just teach you not to make the same mistake again, mainly because the bitch won’t let me shit without running it past her….it’s like I’m in fucking prison motherfuckers….PRISON…….but at least Miranda Kerr and her tight little body give me hope that it’s not this bad for everyone out there….that my suffering balances out all the good pussy being scored….and my happiness is a small sacrifice to make for the benefit of mankind…..

Bonus - Some Other Victoria’s Secret Sluts in Bathing Suits and This Shoot….

Kim Kardashian is a fat chick who has no business being famous or landing work. The only thing she’s ever accomplished is the best damn Paris Hilton rip off out there. She talks exactly like her, she pulled off the sex tape shit like her and it got her work, like her….but that’s about all she’s done. I look at these pictures and see that even Kim knows she’s fat, otherwise that ass wouldn’t be covered up like the birth defect and result of laziness and bad eating habits that it is….but for some reason, people still think she’s some kind of natural beauty, despite not being neither beautiful or natural. Just because she denies getting work done, doesn’t mean she hasn’t had work done, this is a useless bitch we’re dealing with and as a useless bitch, everything that comes out of her mouth is fuckin’ useless…..

I guess she found a couple people who are more useless than her to hang with in their bikinis and despite hating them, I don’t hate bikinis and I am posting this shit despite them ruining this shit….

On a side note, if you’re wondering why Kirstin Cavallari is pretty much irrelevant, I think it’s gotta do with the fact that she’s got a shitty ass, a pot belly and the length of her head, is longer that the length of her torso and that’s some bobble head shit, I can’t really grasp…..oh and because she didn’t agree to do The spinoff of Laguna Beach that you may have heard of called The Hills…..because I guess she was delusional and thought she was too talented for that or some shit….

Either way, here are the rest of the pictures:

I have been ripping into Peta for being a bunch of hippie fucks who don’t see the value in sacrificing the life of a useless animal to make luxurious and expensive clothing for the rich, but they have won me over. Last night, when Lohan was making her way into the VIP room of some club in Paris, some crazed big bushed treehugger threw flour all over her. It may not be the eggs I had reached out to my UK reader to throw at her, but it is still a cake ingredient and it put Lohan in her useless place. On a side note, it was the first time a white substance got close her her face that she didn’t lap up in excitement. That concludes my obvious joke of the day. Next time let’s just hope they throw something that hurts a little more, like a brick, because I think Lohan deserves a little pain for polluting our lives…

Your soon to be President has decided to use the Internet to keep in contact with his people, he plans on doing one of these addresses a week and I think that’s a good sign because everyone uses the internet, and will be up to date on what’s going on, instead of in the dark like they have been the last 200 years. It’s his way of getting America involved and informed and I think it is some pretty clever thinking, but if he really wants this video to work, and get the top rated Youtube views, l he’s gotta do is throw in a couple tits, maybe some girl having a stripper pole accident, or a gay guy screaming to leave Britney alone and a clever comedy song because this political shit is pretty dry fucking content, but I thought it was a sign that the internet’s actually a serious thing and not just a place to hustle chicks and jerk off to every type of porn imaginable….and Obama turning to the Internet means it’s ok to sit in front of your computer and waste away and I guess that’s the kind of validation I need.

On a side note, when I pushed play on this shit, my wife’s dog went fucking nuts, he started growling and barking and was really not feeling it, and he’s black and only barks at videos with other animals in it, so I don’t know what that says about Obama, but I do know that he’s not the only republican dog at there and here’s America’s favorite lipstick-wearing republican pit bull in Florida drinking and slackin’ off, in a pair of short shorts and I figured you’d like that, since you want to fuck her and you think you have a chance because she seems like she’s just that fuckin’ dumb….

Jodie Sweetin/Stephanie Tanner was at some event celebrating her best friend, she brought her dog, I guess her meth had a prior engagement.

In case you don’t know, she suffered child star syndrome, got hooked on meth, went to rehab, got her life together, got married a second time to some nobody, had a kid in April, all while having the biggest fucking tits that don’t look all that big today considering she should be breast feeding still…..

I heard that the first time she lit up to get high, she was reading an article on how the Olsen’s took Full House to the fucking top by starting some billion dollar company out of it, while all she got was de-virginized by Bob Saget’s finger between scenes….but I could have made that up. I have a hard time determining things I’ve seen and things I’ve thought I’ve seen while drunk, so anything’s possible….

The fact that Alyson Hannigan looks like she’s pregnant, you know, with that crazy fucker rubbing her belly and smiling like some kind of pervert trying to lure me into his van, means that Alyson Hannigan gets fucked and that disgusts me. I realize that most girls have sex, despite me not wanting to imagine what that shit looks like because they just aren’t up to par, so naturally, I was happy thinking that this orange haired demon was celibate, truth is that she has so little sex appeal that I was convinced she was some kind of pussyless creature created in Hollywood, because whenever I see pictures of her, that’s I just can’t imagine her having genitals, or using those genitals, or anyone wanting to play with those genitals, even if drunk, desperate, lookin’ for citizenship, broke, confused, a fame whore with limited options, totally unstable or crazy.

All that shoving a flute in her cunt in American Pie was gross enough, but knowing that the people behind that movie felt the same way that I did about her, you know casting her as the gross girl with no sex appeal and shit, not to mention shit was a movie and anything is possible in a movie, no matter how outrageous shit is, made it ok, but now we are faced with the reality that she is a woman and does have a vagina and does use that vagina and that is a horrible way to start my weekend…but you’ll probably like this shit, because you live, breathe and sleep everything Buffy, so it’ll help your expired fantasies of breeding with her a possibility, I am sure you have enough time on your hands to photoshop your face up on that guy she’s with, you know considering you’re reading this site on a fucking Weekend you fucking asshole….

I saw this clip of Elisabeth Hasselbeck on The View earlier today….they were talking about the pregnant man, who is legally a man, but technically a woman, because motherfucker has a pussy and uterus and gets her period and shit, and to me that makes him a her. I mean, If I can stick my dick in its bearded, mastectomy titty vagina, no matter how dry the fuckin’ thing is, or how much bigger his clit is than my dick, and bitch can get pregnant, despite the emotional and psychological damage it would do to me, she’s still a fucking woman. I don’t care what doctors or the law have to say about it, it’s just a loophole to get gay married….

Anyway, to perpetuate this weirdness of dude getting pregnant to be the father of his baby, the “mother” in the relationship’s been breast feeding the kid, despite how that makes no scientific sense, and Elisabeth Hasselbeck chimes in to say that when she was pregnant and saw other babies….she’d feel her titties fill up with milk….and that makes her a slut. A really weird slut who gets off on having random babies suck her tits, and I figured you’d like that because you are into sex offenders, since you are one.

Either way, here’s a song from Beyonce performing on Oprah, that she wrote for this weird extreme lesbian couple…..and their kid who is going to be totally fucked up when he accidentally sees daddy in the motherfuckin’ shower….

Scroll to 2:20, that’s how I feel about you…I’m doing that same gesture as I type this. Fucker.

I just realized I am late for something - so I decided to throw up some pictures to tide you over….who cares what I have to say anyway…which is too bad because I could really rip into this Jodie Marsh slut, but I got responsibilities man…..