I like Sam Ronson. I don’t know if she’s a good DJ, but I do know she’s good at marketing herself, since Celebrity DJs who want to get paid, need a Celebrity relationship and if they really want to get noticed, it’s better to make that Celebrity Relationship as scadelous as possible with one of the most popular girls in the gossip magazines.

She went from being the rich kid sister of some music producer that only some people have heard of, to being this IT girl everyone is talking about. That’s not to say they aren’t in love, or that they don’t bump pussies, but it is to say that in order to get to that high profile relationship, she’s gotta eat a lot of shit. I am not talking about licking Lohan’s asshole, I am talking about level she has to deal with a totally unstable, drug addicted 20 year old, who doesn’t know right from left, who has been rumored to be seen talking to herself in clubs while high, and who comes from a crazy family with a spoiled cunt upbringing where she always gets what she wants, leading me to believe she’s a demanding little whore.

So here’s Sam Ronosn, trying to make a name for herself and trying to enjoy this high quality celebrity pussy, despite the herpes ourbreaks and she’s probably trapped trying to balance it all out so that she doesn’t go insane. I remember a time when I was working security at a psyh ward of a hospital and trying to control this nut cases, or convers with these nut cases put a strain on me, but I did get some of the best blowjobs in my life, but that could only be because I’d finish as fast as possible so that the crazy slut wouldn’t relapse into her memories of her countless molestations of the past and bite my dick off.

So everyone shits on her for dressing like a dude, or looking like a dude, when I don’t find anything about her all that offensive, I don’t think she looks like a man, she’s just skinny. I don’t think her style is that different than hipster chicks I see out, and the truth is I have the same watch as her. Sure I got mine in Chinatown for about 4 dollars and it doesn’t work, but it still means we have the same taste.

Either way, here are pictures of her blowing a kiss to Lohan because if she doesn’t it may upset Lohan and throw her off into some kind of bipolar rage where she fucks the cast and crew of her movie, doesn’t sleep for three days and masters the art of crying and laughing hysterically at the same time.

So enjoy these pics of Ronson walking on glass, because I am sure she’s not enjoying living this mess she’s got herself caught up inside, despite all the money she’s found herself making and the name she’s managed to put on the map.

Hayden Panettiere is a revolutionary. She just keeps pushing the limits despite her physcial deformities. She won’t let her l height hold her back from anything. She’s strong (really strong), she’s somehow convinced the world she’s hot, and now she’s modeling. The last person her size to be a paid model was my friend Frankie who was born with some disorder that didn’t let him break 5 foot, and dude’s modeling job was working at a loal art class as a nude subject.

Either way ripping on the little model for not being able to be a basketball player is dull, everyone does it and it’s really not even an issue. The truth is that she’s still got a pussy under all that muscle and can is hot enought to be a the subject of your carnival porn fantasies, you know get bitch jugging while spinning around on your dick like she’s on a Merry-Go-Round, and she easier on the eyes than a real midget with their big scary weird normal sized hands and thick stumpy bodies, so we should celebrate these pictures for her Candies ad campaign and not shit on them like I shat on this midget I got with sexually, because I knew it was just be happy getting love and German Scat was just hitting the scene and was something I wanted to try, and convincing other girls was almost impossible, so capitalized on the opportunity knowing that even if it tried to run away, it’d be easy to catch because of its little legs.

This is what Birtish Soap stars look like in bikinis, an outfit unemployed British men everywhere probably prefer seeing these girls in, not because bikinis make life a better place, proven everytime my wife sits in my neighbor’s backyard under the sprinkler to keep cool in the summer, since the heat is like death for her and her heavily insulated body, and death for me, because of the smells that come with profuse sweating from her ass, but because some girls just look better naked than clothed. These girls have these cartoon lookin’ wonky faces that make me feel like I am watching some low budget british documentary on the longterm effects of unfiltered, mercury contaminated water near some steel factory in working class neighborhoods, but when you take off their clothes, they are totally worth fucking…from behind…to prevent nightmares, or permanent psychological damage that turns you homo.

Their names are Adele Silva and Verity Rushworth, in case you were wondering, which I doubt you were, because ugly faced girls have the ability to make hot bodies unfuckable and we hate them for that internal battle they cause us trying to figure out whether or not we can get really go through with watching theirn disgusting chompers eat dinner just to get in their their pants and that kind of debate shouldn’t happen when it comes to getting pussy.

If these bitches were nice, they let their bodies go south, to match their faces, that way we wouldn’t have to deal with these kinds of internal debates about whether we’d bang them or not because the truth is, despite how busted these girls are, they have an ego and false sense of what they look like and actually fancy themselves to be hot making the liklihood of you getting up in them, even if you don’t really want to and are just doing it because there are no hotter chicks around and a pussy is a pussy even if attached to shit, is impossible.

James Blunt proves that if you are a little guy who isn’t much to look at, all you have to do is teach yourself the guitar, figure out how to sing about things that make girls wet in the panties, get signed and pretty much whore yourself out to middle aged women and ladies with a broken heart through your record deal that ends up making you a lot of money. Once that happens, you can date and walk around models and other tall girls to let everyone know just how much power you actually have.

It turns out that eating a bag of chips everynight while playing videogames alone in your shitty basement, slowly getting fatter and fatter while chronically masturbating, your idea of satisfying your woman, who is actually a rubber vagina toy your mom got you because she was concerned that if ever you came in contact with a real one, you’d be scared of it and this would ease you into it all while not showering and pretty much lookin’ like you’ve given up on life, doesn’t work quite as well.

Here he is on vacation with some slut, just to show that he smarter than you.

If you are wonder what shit shoveling, tobacco chewin’, guitar strummin’, whiskey drinking cowboys who suffer from a broken heart and who’s dog died last month jerk off to while they cry, Carrie Underwood is it. Here she is in a bikini, which would help those fuckers reach orgasms if they knew how to turn on a computer, but are too busy herding cattle instead, but at least they have their old transmittor radio to learn every lyric of her heart warming songs. The truth is that Carrie Underwood shows us that American Idol can make you very fucking rich, if you use it to get into country music, because country fans are loyal as fuck and will always support one of their own for their entire career, making Underwood a cash cow you’d want to saddle up and ride into the sunset.

Vanessa Williams had Jewish babies in the ’80s, or what I assume are Jewish babies because they were with her manager, and not only is being a manager is a Jew thing but the name Hervey screams Jew. If you’re wondering why a Jew wanted a hot half black Miss America chick who who was also in Playboy, it was because he had been raised surrounded by mutant jewish girls his parents encouraged him to marry for tradition his entire life, but who’s penis strayed from tradition and into this vagina because it was just too tempting, in all fairness to Hervey, when you spend your life banging Jewish girls to make your mom happy, a bowl of hamburger meat looks like a hot fuck, so Vanessa Williams was a solid step up from that and the real exciting thing for him is that she made him 5% of her earnings which is like spanish fly to a Jew.

They are divorced now, but they have Jewish daughters, but not the dog faced kind, tthe good kind who have some new genes from all their friends because daddy didn’t inbreed.

Here is my evidence for the day that Jewish girls are dog faced and droopy lookin’ despite all the hateful protest my Jewish readers are sending me. If Jewish girls were so hot, why would Hervey go black, and do you really think if he did stick with Jew pussy that his kids would look this good? Start sending me hot pics of pure Jewish girls to prove me wrong, becuase until you do, I am stickin’ to my stance.

Eva Longoria’s really got nothing going on. She’s not hot, her features are weak, the only really thing she’s got going for her is that she’s not fat, something I am convinced Americans hold in high regard, because every bitch there is fat so that when a skinny girl walks by everyone goes fuckin’ crazy like it’s cinco de mayo. The truth is that she’s a fucking mexican and the last thing the world needs is to see anothr Mexican on TV, I figure people are already tired of us from seeing us work as gardeners, restaurant dishwashers, car washers, hotel staff, construction world and don’t need to be reminded that we are slowly and quietly taking over the world.

I guess what it comes down to is that Eva Longoria marries black french dudes, and like a black french dude I used to hang with because he was always down for a good time spending money he stole from his work on taking me to the strippers and everytime a black chick would get on stage, he wouldn’t look because he felt she was taking their race down a couple notches and not helping the advancement of blabk people, not to mention he liked fucking blondies with fat asses and was repulsed by his own kind since they reminded him of his mother. Maybe I’m just a self-hating mexican.

Who really gives a fuck about what I have to say, look at her fucking bikini pictures, she’s probably pregnant, because you give a fuck about this rat of a woman… Asshole.

I like drunk chicks, so seeing a drunk Lauren Conrad with her natural tits hanging out of her shirt makes me happy. I am tired of The Hills and the ugliness it produces and despite being average at best, Lauren Conrad is hotter than any of her costars. Heidi Montag is just horse-faced and ridiculous in her bible thumping bullshit lie of a life, and Audrina is a mutant who distracts you from her mutant face with a set of fake tits that I could have if I had 10,000 dollars to spend on tits, and last time I checked, if you can buy it, shit’s not representative of how hot you re.

I guess it doesn’t matter, mainly because The Hills don’t matter and soon enough the world will catch on and shit will be nothing more than something in the MTV archives no one really remembers enough to do a reunion special for and maybe I just like Lauren Conrad cuz she’s drunk and drunk girls have always been a crucail component in my getting laid….and here she is in low cut outfit busting out.

Celine Dion is a hero where I live, shes the French Canadian who made it into the big leagues, a local talent who doesn’t live at home or do much for home, because she peaced the first chance she got, but knowing she is from the same shitty poverty low class roots as them keeps them going as they drive their compact 20 year old car to the local chicken restaurant they work at.

Like all French girls I know, other than my wife, who obviously has some kind of genetic disorder that I didn’t know about when I married her, she looks worth fucking in her bikini. For some reason, French chicks don’t really get fat no matter how badly they eat, they just always have these slim bodies that eventually start hanging off their bones in some kind of slim-fat aging mess, but when dressed shit looks pretty tight. I guess my idea of french girls is a little biased, since the only ones I know are career strippers who rock the pole, chain smoke and eat french fries and gravy, french toast, french salad dressing and drink excessively while jacked on coke.

The only exciting thing I know about French girls is their passion and love for getting fucked anally on the first date, they are pretty open to sex and laid back about the shit, meaning you don’t have to promise to take them to a subtitled movie so you can both enjoy it. They are low maintenance, and don’t expect flowers or jewelry, you just have to bring her a chocolate bar and promise to pay for the aborition if you knock her up and bitch is naked.

It’s also socially acceptable to fuck at 14 and legal for 50 year olds to fuck 14 year olds, it’s a cultural thing you’d probably appreciate, but that’s just because the young girls won’t judge your small penis because compared to the 14 year cock they’ve been getting, yours is average sized.

I heard that Celine Dion’s husband was her married neighbor when she was growing up and who slammed her when she was 14 and his wife was at church, before dude mortgaged his house to record her first album and make them all rich and making her father not run dude over with his snowplow.

BONUS - SOME MORE OF HER IN A ONE-PIECE

Kate Moss is in a bikini on a yacht and the pictures are boring as fuck considering it’s all been seen beore. She’s a retired has been we’ve all seen naked and she’s got tons of money and little to do with her time and always seems to end up on vacation every month. I guess raising her kid using nannies and private daycare is draining or too much responsibility for her. It could be that her hard drinking, drugs and not showering catches up to her and she needs to slow down a little every once in a while, but none of that matters because I am a fan of hers.

I think it’s just because I like that rich girls try to look like us poor people. They dress in rags, they don’t shower and they look like they smell. I was walking down the street the other day and this fucking homeless chick who lifted up her arms to reveal unshaved armpits and huge yellow sweat stains jumps into a 100,000 dollar Mercedes. I was so repulsed by her when I thought she was poor and disgusting because the condition of poor disgusting girls usually reflects the condition of their pussy and in this rich girl’s case shit would have been rank if she was poor, but knowing that she’s just doing this whole unshowered homeless sweaty thing for fashion means that she proabably smells like candy and her pussy is probably spotless and that is a lot hotter than going down on something that smells like sewage.