Do you remember the mid-1980s video for that Twisted Sister song, the one that starts with a sadistic schoolteacher berating a student for desecrating his notebook? The teacher caps off his tirade with a guttural, "What do you wanna do with your life?" And the mulleted, denim-vested kid has a very simple reply: "I want to rock."

That's exactly how I felt heading to last night's Idol. I knew it was Rock and Roll Hall of Fame night... and I was ready to rock! So while I was driving from the EW offices in Brentwood to CBS Television City studios in West Hollywood, I cranked up some Heart: "Crazy on You," "Magic Man," "Barracuda"... ladies and gentlemen, the best of Ann and Nancy Wilson! But none of my Wilshire Blvd. jammin' prepared me for what I was about to witness: Duran Duran. To be more precise, this season's Daughtry doing his rocked-out version of Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf."

But I really ought to back up and explain a few things first. Namely, that I'm a stand-in. Normally, this would be Shirley Halperin's week to blog from inside the Idol studio, but she's in New York at the release party for Pot Culture: The A-Z Guide to Stoner Language and Life, her impressive new book about, well, the title pretty much says it all.

Secondly, I ought to confess that I'm not an American Idol addict. I'm more of a casual viewer. I love the singing competition, but it's the embedded commercials and the strangely tuneless theme song - which gets embedded in my brain - that I can do without. This week's embedded commercial was less offensive than usual: Cleveland's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I wonder how much they spent for that privilege.

But let's get back to David Cook's show-starting "Hungry Like the Wolf." Now, I like Duran Duran as much as the next child of the 80s, and I enjoyed this contestant's rockier version of it, but where was the rock 'n' roll swagger to go with the voice? Where's that hunger he's singing about? Let's see some guitar smashing and crazy David Lee Roth splits from the man with "AC/DC" emblazoned on his blazer! Was it me, or did he seem a little sad? For once, I agreed with Randy, who called this performance "Just okay."

And then there's Paula Abdul, bless her heart. "I think your 'Hungry Like the Wolf' has left me with a big appetite," she declared. I seem to have been the only one in the audience who interpreted that statement negatively - I thought she was still hungry, like I was, for a more satisfying performance. (I was also hungry for dinner, but that's a whole other blog.) Nope, she meant that he had whetted her appetite for more. And certainly Cook's cocky smile showed that he took it positively as well.

It's comments like that one from Paula that make me sure what she says is rehearsed. Is it scripted by someone else? Who knows? Probably. But her delivery can be so stilted and the lines so crafted that there's no way that woman is coming up with them on the spot. Which is why last week's "debacle" didn't surprise me one bit. And why I also think any shock over it is disingenuous. I mean, we're dealing with Fox - hardly a bastion of integrity - presenting an entertainment show. Of course some of it is scripted! Does that make it any less fun? Nah.

But thanks to Paulagate, everyone seemed on their best behavior last night. Syesha had a little scripted repartee with Ryan about the Idol tour (tickets on sale soon! Plug, plug!): "Oh my gosh, I'm so excited about the tour," she said before heading to center stage for her Tina Turner moment (pictured). "Proud Mary" - now that's a rock 'n' roll classic! But when Tina has made it so indelible, you've got to be extraordinary to have an impact. Syesha looked happy, and you could feel that in the studio. Randy loved it, Paula did too (of course), but Simon, as usual, called it like it was: a shrieky Tina Turner impersonation. Sadly, I've seen versions just as good at many bar mitzvah receptions.

During every commercial break, I was surprised to see the judges rush off. The only other time I've attended an Idol performance night was, coincidentally, the same week last year, when I sat in for my colleague (and high-school classmate) Shirley. From what I saw then, the judges stayed put in their seats during a few of the breaks and chatted with nearby celebrities - that is, if you count Judge Judy as a celebrity, and I'll be generous and do so. But this time, during every single commercial break, Randy, Paula, and Simon marched through the crowd, pausing to hug and gladhand a bit, and headed out the door, only to return a scant two minutes later, often at the very last moment (Paula!), often causing a bit of controlled panic. I wonder what one can possibly accomplish in two minutes anyway. And is it worth the trek to get there? Maybe they need some hair and makeup touch-ups, but not during every break. I bet Simon does a lot of texting; he seems like a big texter, right? Randy's probably doing status updates on his Facebook page. And Paula has got to be just going along so that she won't be the only one left behind, right? Plus, she has this tall bodyguard/handler who escorts her back and forth, standing at a rather intimate distance from her, his hand around her waist as if they're about to begin a waltz.

Meanwhile, during those two minutes that they're gone, Cory, the audience warm-up guy, gives out copies of Chicken Soup for the American Idol Soul. Jo-Lynn from Arkansas got a copy last night. Mazel tov, Jo-Lynn!

And before you know it, it's time for some Bob Marley. He already had the hair, so Jason Castro completed the portrait and sang "I Shot the Sheriff," but, from where I sat, it was incredibly unimpressive. While Jason's "atrocious" (Simon) performance carried on to a "weird" (Randy) arrangement, my attention wandered to the set. It's changed a lot since last year - they added a bunch of levels, each with multiple video screens. It's all very busy and big and seems to serve no purpose at all. And then there's the mosh pit. Now, mind you, there is no slam-dancing or body-passing occurring down there, but there are some people - some positively old people - standing there, hands in the air, through the entire show.

Soon enough, Jason was done. What's clear in person is he has a beautiful smile, a nice energy, really (Boy, now I sound like Pollyanna Paula!), but I can't imagine there's any way that's enough to put Mr. Castro in the top three.

Up next: Lil' David, and he's got some back-up singers for his rendition of "Stand By Me." I must say, the kid (or his dad?) chose a great song. His voice is terrific and the arrangement is good, but his delivery is so... earnest. Aah, well, no matter, because the judges loved it.

During the next commercial break, Rascal Flatts arrived. I'm not even sure if they're promoting their album that came out in the fall, or what, but it was certainly curious that they stopped in late, took seats in the center, got a shout-out from Ryan and, unseen by the cameras, departed before the final performance.

David Cook took on the Who's "Baba O'Riley." He did a solid job vocally, but Cook has really mastered that bored rock look. Where's the edge, man? Randy thought it was "great," Paula was "humbled" to watch his "soul," and Simon told David, "Welcome back."

It's right around this time when I had to control myself from unleashing my inner New Yorker on this little girl in front of me. Adorable. Clad in a pink dress with sequins on the neckline, I imagine she's a very nice kid. But I just wanted to wring her neck. Every time David Cook got on stage, up went her "I [heart] David Cook" sign - right in front of my face. Sigh. But it was really her mom - standing her daughter up on her seat, pushing up the sign, screaming louder than any of the kids any time David Cook appeared, and literally pushing her daughter towards Cory the audience guy whenever he would come around: "Give my daughter free stuff," you could practically hear her plead. Finally, Cory obliged, and the kid received an iTunes gift card. Happy Mother's Day!

As Syesha explained, Sam Cooke's "A Change is Gonna Come" was written about the Civil Rights movement. Her comparing that "pivotal era" to this "pivotal time in my life" could have felt cheap, but music's power is in the way it can connect to anyone - good lyrics resonate however we interpret them. Plus, Syesha was so genuinely moved by Randy's criticism and Simon and Paula's support. What you couldn't see on TV was Debbie the stage manager, in her red bandana, running from offstage, handing Ryan a tissue to wipe the tears.

If only there were a quick, tissue-like fix for Jason Castro's problems. His second song yielded a pretty major misstep: forgetting the lyrics to Bob Dylan's "Mr. Tambourine Man." Again, the kid's charm came across, but this time it can't possibly make up for that.

This next break brought some commotion in the audience. With Rascal Flatts departing, all the judges chatted with them, and Randy spent some time working the crowd. When it came time for the show to start up again, poor Debbie had to get everyone's attention to get the crowd settled ("Ten seconds! Everybody settle down!") and her judges back in place ("Four, three, applause everybody!"). But, as always, it came off as seamless.

You can't hear what's happening in the audience during those pre-taped "packages" but D'Archie's second one was nearly impossible to hear in the studio over the piercing screams of girls and women (and men?) alike. Man, they love him tender. Archuleta's like a little kitty cat, so cute and soft you just want to pet his face. No one mentioned that he had some pitchy moments in his Elvis number, but he clearly secured his place in the top three.

Hopefully, whoever wins season 7 of American Idol will be the person who truly rocks this competition - whether that's David Cook finding his inner David Lee Roth and letting his presence match his voice; or David Archuleta, whose way of rocking is more tender, and definitely earnest; or Syesha Mercado, who only seems to be getting more comfortable each week.

Rock on!